Divorce: Sign of the times?
May 11th, 2007 by Victor
Yes, you read that correctly - it says “Life is short. Get a divorce” and then provides the phone number for a law office. Divorce is common in our culture. I remember having a conversation this week with a woman whose father has been married 5 times - including twice with the same woman. In situations like that it seems like people now consider marriage like they once thought of dating. Come and go as you please and break up when things get tough or something better comes along.
This billboard appeared on the streets of Chicago. Eventually people complained and it was able to be taken down on a technicality. But when I read this article it brought sorrow to my heart. This is a sad sign of the state of the world we live. Something that my God hates is embraced by most. If someone hasn’t had a divorce themselves, I could probably guarantee that their lives have been effected by one or they know someone dear to them who has. Though some stats now tell us that divorces may be declining since the 1970’s, people are choosing instead to just “play marriage” and live together without getting married. Divorces are easy to have and more common place than ever before. A simple google search on the word “divorce” will give you easy methods to get the job done - quick, easy and best of all cheap!
Even sadder is the place of this thing God hates in His own church! Cohabition and divorce and remarriage seem to be just as common in the church as the world. However, the founder of the faith and head of the church said the following:
Matthew 5:31-32 - “It was said, ‘WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Matthew 19:3-9 - Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? ”So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Luke 16:18 - ”Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.”
Seems like people may not be taking him serious. Jesus’ words were not just suggestions or good life principles and morals. I believe they were the very words of life - that when obeyed one would be led to life in the Kingdom of God. Ignoring or disregarding his words would be like traveling to a place you have never been and disregarding different steps on your list of directions.
My challenge today is to change the words of that billboard. Life is indeed short - but stay together! Fight it out, repent, forgive, yeild, love, get counseled, have patience, and all the rest - for indeed life is short - and then the Kingdom comes.
Hebrews 13:4 (NLT) Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
- Why is this happening?
- Why are these stats as common in the church as they are in the world?
- What do you think this says about where we are in light of the end of the age?
- What can be done?
“Why is this happening?”
It’s part of the change in culture that accelerated in the 1970s with no-fault divorce (people like to cite the 60s, but it was the 70s when things really changed culturally).
“Why are these stats as common in the world as they are in the church?”
I think you mean it the other way around, and it’s because many Christians compartmentalize their spiritual lives: what they do on Sunday bears little relationship to how they live their lives the rest of the week.
“What do you think this says about where we are in light of the end of the age?”
Beats me. Every age thinks it’s the ‘end of the age’.
“What can be done?”
The church as a whole spends a lot of time discussing the evils of homosexuality and abortion, and relatively little time on adultery, greed, gossip, unkindness, and the lack of love that sometimes characterizes the lives of believers. We need to start preaching (and modeling!) what good marriages and family life look like.
One of the difficulties I’ve seen among my friends, who are in their 40s and 50s, is that the husband (although I know it happens the other way around as well) has simply left. He wanted out, and he walked away. The wife, even if she wished to remain married, has no recourse but to go through divorce proceedings which are thrust upon her. Marriages can be saved, but both people have to want it.
Interestingly, nearly all the Jewish couples I know (and I include myself in that, ethnically speaking) are still married. It’s the Christians who are divorced.
Thanks Karen, I changed the text of the 3rd question.
In light of your comments, perhaps a reason for not hearing sermons on this topic (I agree - I found out about Jesus’ teachings on re-marriage only a few years ago) is many people in the congregation have been divorced or remarried? I understand how this would be a difficult challenge, but Jesus is our Lord afterall.
Yes, that’s a good point. So what does one do in a case where members of the congregation are divorced and remarried? Are their new marriages invalid, from a Biblical standpoint?
Tough question. It would be interesting to hear what others think.
I think that with all situations there are results and consequences to sin. For example, if I had a child out of wedlock at the age of 18 and later repent and become a Christian - my child is still alive and I am going to take care of them. Though I am forgiven of all past sins when I come to Christ, the physical (couldn’t think of a better word) results remain. Perhaps it is the same for the person who has divorced and re-married and then becomes a Christian.
Sadly however, people who have considered themselves Christian for years got divorced and will now say when considering the verses I cited above will say “I didn’t know back then.” Whether that is valid or not, perhaps we can discuss.
All of this discussion however does not really deal with the emotional challenges that come along with all of this. However, I think the Scriptures provide answers to all of this - and the Kingdom coming will fix all wrong and rid the world and our lives of pain.
here is a dilemma I’m in right now. I know this person who will says that she is a Christian now but isn’t even close to thinking about trying to live a holy life. Well she is getting re-married, after about 7 years of cohabitation with her Boyfriend. I’m invited to the wedding. What do I do? I have been asked to be a witness to something that God says is wrong. Plus custom dictates that I congratulate them.
Lets crank up the difficulty level on this one. She is family.
Now again this woman is really only a christian when you ask her if she is one, so Am I holding her to to high a standard? Am I being legalistic?
Am I being “unloving”?
I am really going to be uncomfortable doing this.
So I ask what other people think. Would Jesus Go to this wedding?
Let us define Christian first. A Christian is one who has believed the gospel and repented and now lives a life under the subjection of Jesus as lord. If this person does not do these 3 things then she is not a Christian. She may call herself a Christian and even go to church but this no more makes her a Christian than me calling my self a car and then standing in the garage. So if she is not a Christian then there is no reason why she should be held to the biblical standard of divorce. In fact, she probably doesn’t even know what it is. The best thing to do is to preach to her the gospel. If by going to the wedding you are able to preach to more people, then I say go.
Of course you should go to the wedding! And congratulate the couple and be loving and kind to your relative. If you have no relationship with her, how can you preach the gospel to her? Disapproval from afar never converted anyone.
Is she immediate family? then go, have a good time, talk about old times with the rels, have something to eat and then duck out early without anyone seeing you, hahaha…if she is not immediate family, then you have no obligations, send a congratulations card with 20 bucks in it to the happy couple and say you are sorry you can’t make it on that day (no reason to say why right?) if they ask or call you then say you have other obligations that day (and then make plans so it’s true!) love ya JP
First of all,
I see that it is written that there isn’t enough praeching about the divorce topic and such in church. I have to strtongly agree about that. And if it affects those that are/going through/ divorce- THATS ROUGH. BUT what about the rest of us in the church that could be saved from such ridiculous conversations as this by NOT knowing! I could easily have gone through life and chose to “not hear” but if its done and repeated in common place, i think that more people would choose to think about the reality of the situation before doing so. Where else are we to hear about such things if not in church!? I didnt get a vivid picture from why this is wrong from home. Did anyone else? Or if you have, look at the people sitting next to you this sunday, the ones that you know more personally; do you think they learned such things from home?
Marriage is a strong topic and a very serious one, because Love is a big commandment from Jesus and if we cannot learn to love a family correctly, how can we learn to love others outside of the basic family.
I’m very happy this topic came up, because i’ve had much exp, growing up in this sort of home. Not until i read much of the scripture (thanks to sean) did i come to full conclusion about why i feel so strongly about this. And the church is supposed to be the beacon of light in communities…
“revival, how can they talk about revival; they can’t even live right” -satan from a fireonthealtar.com quote.
Everyone needs to be pushed more on this topic just like kids who need more encouragement on WHATS RIGHT AND WHATS WRONG. IF the mistake has been made - Repentance and God’s grace can only save someone afterwards, thats not for us to judge. But the knowledge of the whole thought should be taught so that everyone gets the full point and learns why its wrong, and not just the people who “have been there, done that” to worry about.
@ all,
I suppose the reason why such things as divorce and remarriage has become sort of common in western societies is the same as with a number of other matters => that is, for one, there is no or very little knowledge of the biblical truths concerning the issue, and in addition folks accept what has become acceptable to the majority of people around them ?
I do have a specific question concerning a scripture mentioned in the article above:
Matthew 5:31-32 - “It was said, ‘WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
How do you understand these words of Jesus: “Everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery ..:” ? How is it that the divorced wife (who may not have done anything unchaste) is made to commit adultery just because her husband decides he wants to divorce her? Obviously the “makes her commit adultery” refers to cases where the husband divorces unrightfully …or?
Would one not normally expect to read that the husband who divorces his wife, except for the reaosn of unchastiuty, would commit adultery by divorcing her? Yet, the text here states that the husband by his action would make his wife to commit adultery … how are we to understand that?
Cheers,
Wolfgang
I think the assumption in that society is that the woman would remarry, and because her first husband has left her, he is essentially forcing her to commit adultery in God’s eyes by sleeping with another man (even though the second couple are legally married). It’s the parallel to “whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” - that marriage too involves sexual sin, biblically speaking.
God hates divorce (Malachi 2.16)
My relative would call herself a Christian, though she would not fall under the definition Sean has provided. I will probably go to the wedding, but I doubt that there will be any congratulations coming from my lips. I wouldn’t congratulate anyone who has just made the decision and taken a vow to commit adultery for the rest of there lives. Am I wrong for not congratulating them?
I see it this way right now.
They are disobeying Jesus. To disobey Jesus’s commands on this or any issue is to disobey God. Disobeying God is sin.
From m-w.com
congratulate:
Function: transitive verb
1 archaic : to express sympathetic pleasure at (an event)
2 : to express vicarious pleasure to (a person) on the occasion of success or good fortune ; also : to feel pleased with
I don’t find pleasure nor am I pleased with what is going on at this event because as far as I can tell neither does God. Do I have the wrong frame of mind?
Gail that whole makes plans thing borders on deceiving, which we should stay far way from. But the fact of the matter is I do have prior plans that day (its the last day of Family Camp, which I will probably be doing the sound for.)
JP, I would go and look for opportunities to preach the gospel (especially at dinner). I am very uncomfortable holding non-Christians to the stipulations of the New Covenant (i.e. Jesus’ words) considering the fact that they are not part of the covenant. It seems that Paul in 1 Cor. 5 specifically outlines a distinction of shunning between non-Christians and Christians.
Thus as Christians we can associate with immoral people who are not “so-called brothers.” Our association would give us opportunity to speak the gospel of the kingdom, but this association would not be termed fellowship since we cannot “fully share” with an immoral person. If someone is a genuine Christian (as I previously outlined) and then gets caught into habitual immorality (of any kind) we should follow the clear instruction given by our lord in Mat 18.15-17.
I’m not saying im not going, I probibly am. My issue at this point is weither to offer some sort of congradulations afterward, though what they are doing is wrong.
As Sean said, she’s not a Christian in any meaningful sense of the word: would you refuse to congratulate a Jewish or atheist couple whose wedding you attended?
Marrage is not the issue it’s remarrage and divorce. I don’t think God only acknowledges Christian vows. So to answer a modified form of you question:
would you refuse to congratulate a Jewish or atheist couple whose wedding of there 2nd marrage you attended? the answer is, probibly not.
I do not say these things with Joy. These things are hated By our lord, and I hate that people are in this situation in this fallen world.
~JP
“These things are hated By our lord, and I hate that people are in this situation in this fallen world.”
Agreed. And as Christians we are to have compassion, particularly for those who don’t know any better. If you honestly feel you can’t congratulate the couple, then you probably shouldn’t go to the wedding. If you do go, your purpose is to support the couple, help them to celebrate what is (for them) a happy occasion, and show them the love of Christ.
Just as an extra thought that just occurred to me. What if he exchanged the word Remarriage with Homosexuality in this conversation. Would anybody feel different? The word of God clearly disapproves of both. Would we all be willing to go to a homosexual relatives wedding?
As I said I’m probably Going to my relatives remarriage ceremony. If I had a homosexual relative, I doubt I would go to their wedding ceremony (nevermind the congratulations part.) This is a problem that I’m sure many christians are soon to face in this ever progressing age.
Thoughts anyone?
correction:
*What if we exchanged the word Remarriage with Homosexuality in this conversation
If you are convinced that what they are doing is wrong it is inappropriate for you to congratulate them. Would we congratulate a drunk for getting job as a bartender or congratulate a greedy person for getting a promotion?
I know that we all are aware of how we fall short of holiness . Every thought is important to God yet would we want our thoughts judged by others never mind our actual actions. We have repented and are in the process of change. Its such a dramatic alteration that we can appear to be so different. We mourn our sins and more is revealed , the refining process continues, praise God who gives us the strengh and desire to continue. We realize that this is what brings us closer to God and this is our great passion. I dont understand why some who claim to be Christians are such hypocrites and blind, but maybe maybe to some degree we are also. There are standards that God says are right and they are always right yet God works with us in our unpure imperfect lives. He even gave his son for us while we were dead and enemies. Let us try to be like our father and brother JEsus. Compassion, goodness, gentleness, patience etc. applied so that when we say divorce is wrong we have done much to draw that person to the truth, if they get angry we must endure it. Sin is all around and sometimes it saddens us and repulses us but we cant avoid it so we do what we can and ask God to stenghen us and ask for wisdom. I like it when Sean said that we cant make the mistake of appling aChristians conduct to the unchristian. If John Paul feels uncmfortable with the wedding he should not go .God gives a conscience and we should listen to it on the other hand we can not remove and should not, ourselves from the world. There probably is not an easy answer depending on where we are .
Another thought if divorce is sin doesnt God forgive these if we are repentant? Do we then undo the second marriage and go to the first. If we do maybe the person that was divorced does not want to. We cant undo sin but we can recognize ask forgiveness and move foward. Go and sin no more.
God is after our heart just as the discussion about the sabbath showed, Our actions will follow and then they will be pleasing to God not the other way around.If they dont then we can define that as dead faith and I think that might be ( I am not sure) false and not true faith.I know we need to look for the fruit, but fruit may not be obvious in the begining of it so we might be wrong in saying there is no fruit.
About the undoing of the second marriage I don’t think thats possible. What you have in the case of a second marriage is a second covenant where 2 become one (though you are one with the spouse of the first marriage.) I don’t think that is something that can be broken.
Unless , the second covenant was invalid because you had no right to make the second covenant in the first place. Any thoughts from anyone else would be appreciated.
God hates divorce…thus we should be against it. It’s permitted in the case of adultery, but that appears to be the only reason.
Yes we should be agst. it. Yes it is wrong except for certain cases, but what does a person do once they realize this? All sin can be forgiven except for the unforgiveable sin. So many people reading this may need to understand these things. This could also leave the door open for questions concerning what to do if one spouse has done things that the other can not seemingly endure or is doing things that are so terrible? If an unbeleiving spouse wants to leave isnt this acceptable also?
I believe if someone comes to the Lord after they are remarried, there is forgiveness available for them. Its a tough thing to iron out…
As for your other 2 questions
I think its acceptable to let them leave. Though I don’t see remarrage as an option later.
here is a good site that I just found that covers this subject.
http://www.westpalmbeachchurchofchrist.com/articles/divorce_remarriage/not_under_bondage.html